Is there a word for absolute and rapturous freedom?
Imagine:
No debt, no obligations
Nothing pinning you down
No promises to fulfil and no deadlines pending
No todo list haunting your sleep
And no ego, not even a ‘you’ to be burdened
Is there a word for such unconstrained freedom?
Nirvana, or in Pali, निब्बान (nibbāna), literally means “blowing out” — referring to the blowing out of delusion.
What follows are notes on this most peculiar topic:
We experience illusion, but it is not nirvana that is the illusion; it is your ‘self’, your ‘soul’ that is the illusion. Whether you seek enlightenment or not, nirvana is always upon you — it is the only thing real in an otherwise delusional metaphor that we mistake for the real world. Your perceptions are in your mind; and they include every color, every sound, every object that you have either touched or imagined, every possession, every concept of self, God, and soul; these are abstractions in your mind to represent the world you exist within.
Consider for a moment why the blue sky is blue. Radiant sunlight refracts into a gaseous atmosphere and passes through your eyes triggering your brain to construct a visual representation experienced as a blue sky. A beautiful metaphor placing you at the center of a magnificent world domed in blue.
Consider the last well-made chair that you sat upon. You saw a chair and knew it was a chair as you sat upon it, but did you perceive the true nature of this thing you call a chair? The wooden legs, once growing from the ground as an oxygen producing tree, the carefully carved pieces interlocking with precision imagined by this chairs designer; all these things in that simple chair.
We see and experience a filtered and abstract metaphor that places our mind at the center of the universe, we call this set of perceptions a soul and imagine attributes that fill out an identity that we call an ego. It is tremendously useful and yet entirely imagined; a wonderful process of the creation of ego. It does not exist in anything except for its own perceptual delusion; all that does exist cannot be simultaneously in your brain, nirvana remains the only concept that once fully understood is the only thing real in an otherwise illusionary world.
And whether you are aware of it or not — that is, whether or not your mind has created a perceptual abstraction that allows your conscious ego to be aware of nirvana, and thus aware of its own illusionary nature, that the illusion of self knows it is an illusion — nirvana is already upon your being. The cycle of dukkha and samsara is itself an illusion, you are not going in a circle, there is no you to circulate.
Each moment dies and produces the next moment, and with that truth, everything that is “you” is no more significant than a blade of grass turning to face the sun. This is dependent arising, and in this awareness where the self is accurately perceived as an illusion, this is awareness of anatta, of not-self. And in this experience of anatta, this is awareness of nirvana.
There is no nirvana to be achieved, only an awareness of the nirvana that already exists.
Headphones on, a sweet voice sings melodically in your ears, an air-conditioned chill welcomes your entrance.
Students scurry in their studies, travelers queue for vacant computers, halls of knowledge surround and overwhelm– you stand amidst the pinnacles of all human thought, ingenuity, and creativity.
If I had a church; a place of transcendence where your soul is moved, a place where your perceptions are lifted above mundane daily toils, beyond those frantic markets despised by Zarathustra, a place where the surrender of ego happens at the mere experience of its interior; it is here, sitting silently in a library.
I meet many people who want to travel. People who express a profound desire to travel, yet remain in one place; trapped by a myriad of excuses– I wish I could do that.
Almost every traveler will respond– you can!
For every excuse I have heard– children, money, job, school, visas– I have met travelers who overcame your excuse. I have met entire families traveling through the roughest parts of southeast Asia; I have met students traveling happily on laughably low budgets; and of course we all share absurd stories about immigration and visas.
There are travelers from all walks of life and aptitudes– from the timid to the brave, young to old, smart to stupid– all of them with a different reason to be traveling and yet unequivocally understood by other travelers.
There is nothing exceptional to traveling– so many people from so many backgrounds are doing it. You are an exceptional person, but not because you are traveling. That pretense is something you encounter with people who are *about* to travel; it feels to them like an extraordinary event, so they start blogs and tweet everytime they take a crap abroad. Good for them, fortunately for everyone else, that feeling wears off quickly.
Don’t be fooled into thinking traveling the world is extraordinary, that sets an artificial barrier for yourself to experience your own travels– which, ironically, will unlock the extraordinary in yourself.
Traveling is more a lifestyle choice than an extraordinary event– releasing yourself from the delusion that you need to stay in one place. You don’t, you can go anywhere you have the will and the want.
Once you embark on a travel lifestyle you’ll start to simplify. You’ve heard it from many travelers, you’ve heard it from Thoreau– simplify. This is an amazing and addictive side-effect to traveling. What do you really need? — you’ll find out — and you’ll feel freer and happier with every burden you release.
Embrace a travel lifestyle and you may get to that enlightened state where you realize you don’t need anything. Your luggage shrinks and shrinks until you’re not carrying a thing. You are experiencing life. Life is simple, and traveling in life will teach you this simplicity.
If extraordinary things happen while traveling, it is due to this: the simplicity achieved and the burdens released have freed your time and lifted your soul– the bliss of being is in your every breath. There are no obligations and no artificial responsibilities and no delusional burdens, just existence at its most pure and rapturous state.
Ten days of silent meditation at Wat Suan Mokkh in southern Thailand; at the mercy of the mosquitoes and alone in your thoughts.
The monks give daily Damma talks on Anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing). They speak of dukkha (suffering), and the cessation of dukkha.
Most of the time you sit silently and meditate. Actually, everything is silent, there is no talking.
You sleep on a concrete slab with a straw mat and a wooden pillow. The monastery bell rings at 4am, you arise and walk to the meditation hall for sitting meditation.
Yoga, and then more meditation before 8am for a breakfast of rice soup.
And then chores, I swept one of the meditation halls. Afterwards the bell rings and back to sitting meditation, followed by walking meditation. Eventually lunch, the last meal of the day.
In the afternoon one of the monks gives a Damma talk. Afterwards walking meditation, and then sitting meditation. And then you either continue sitting or join in on chanting (in Pali)– chanting is a nice way to exercise your vocal chords and break up the silence.
Late afternoon there is tea and free time to sit in the hot springs. As the sun sets the bell rings and you walk to the meditation hall for (you guessed it) sitting meditation. Then group walking meditation, walking barefoot in the dark, mindfully so as not to step on any centipedes, scorpions or snakes. A candle-lit path around a pond, stars above.
In the silence the pace slows, day by day people are walking slower and slower, you move at the pace of life and the nature to which you are apart.
Your mind may race in the silence, all notions of self and ego fight to maintain their place in your mind, the monks tell you these are illusions– and anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing) brings these illusions to your awareness.
Everyone seems to get something different from this experience. Confronting your self in the silence, you may or may not like what you find.
Dig deep enough and you find the illusion of self, that “I” and “my” are delusions.
There are many sides to who you think you are, many even conflict with each other, which one is the real you?
Question your possessions, relationships, memories, personality, body, and even the mind itself — all of these things change (dramatically) during the course of a single human life; which one is the real you? Or are you the very process that witnesses the continuous change of life? If you peel off the layers one-by-one there’s little left.
I thought, perhaps there’s a self in each moment, dying and reborn continuously as we experience life. Question even this, and peel this off as yet another delusional layer of ego– eventually there is no more ego (“I” or “my”) to question.
Ego-less existence feels like a dream when you know you are dreaming. Content, beautiful, blissful freedom.
Free from craving
Free from suffering
Free to crave
Free to suffer.
First, some words about Pluto.
I’ve been reading about Neil deGrasse Tyson’s experiences at the Hayden Planetarium and the controversial solar system display that resulted in an international debate on whether or not Pluto is a planet.
With the exception of Tyson, there was little discussion on why we call some things planets and not others. No one was disputing whether Pluto exists, the dispute was whether or not we should label it with the word “planet”.
This boring semantic debate sparked worldwide controversy and renewed the publics interest in astronomy.
The arguments and legislation (yes, legislation) claiming that Pluto is a planet were not only unscientific but completely absurd, irrational, and most interesting of all: emotionally charged.
Wow, all of that over Pluto.
Emotions ran high and ego’s collided, but why would anyone’s ego have a stake in Pluto? If we answer that question, perhaps then we could explain why so many people have such strong feelings about other equally irrational topics.
Let me recap the nearly decade long debate: one day Pluto is a planet and there are nine planets in the solar system, all is good. Over time our knowledge of the solar system increased so profoundly that the belief of “nine planets” is inconsistent with what we now know. Pluto is reclassified.
Pluto is a wonderful example of how people cling irrationally to beliefs despite evidence to the contrary (evidence that gives us a richer and more beautiful view of our universe).
Our ego’s can be dangerous, blinding us to the beauty that awaits discovery. What future discoveries will clash with our current beliefs?
I propose a different foundation of ego. An ego that is not based on any world view, but an ego based on what I call the Bliss of Existence; an open mind and a realization of our connection with all things.
Your ego need not depend on thinking the earth is flat and that we are the center of the universe. Your ego need not depend on an imaginary God that happens to look like an old bearded white man. Your ego does not need to depend on religious beliefs that contradict known science. Your ego does not need to depend on your nationality, nor your social status.
Your ego can depend wholly on the bliss of existence, on the recognition that we are at one participants with and components of a larger cosmic order.
Whether we perceive it scientifically as Neil deGrasse Tyson explains with his “we are star dust” metaphor, or whether we perceive it spiritually (as Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Islamic, and Jewish teachings often attempt to convey)– the conclusions are the same and the meaning behind the metaphors is the same.
There was a time when our ego’s were founded in the world view that the earth is flat, lightning is a weapon of Zeus, and Pluto is the ruler of the underworld. An ego based on a static world view is detrimental to human advancement. The unfortunate history of Islamic science, Catholic inquisitions and the evolution/creation debate are clear examples.
If we look back in history we scoff at the views of humans before us, and we admire those individuals that brought about new ways of thinking that reshaped societies. The history of human progress is not owed to any one culture or people– but to the open minded convictions of those brave enough to question the limits of their knowledge.
Whether you are scientist, an athlete, an executive, a doctor, or just some guy or girl … you will be a better scientist, a better athlete, a better executive, and in every way you will have an advantage in anything you do in life — all by separating your ego away from the static world view you were taught in school and replacing it with an open mind and the realization that all things are fundamentally connected.
Can you imagine a world where ideas flow freely without judgment and constraint? Can you imagine the progress, the advances not just in science and medicine, but of culture and art?
Such a world would not be free of problems, but imagine the unity of all people to overcome and survive those problems.
Imagine that every child, everywhere, was taught to value new ideas and critical thinking.
Perhaps in such a world (in a not so distant future) every person is free to travel, to live, and to work anywhere they have the want and skill– world views come and go as easily as our knowledge of the universe expands, and Pluto is still not a planet.
Try to look ahead and see where you’re heading. Often times the landscape stretches out for miles with no exits, other times there’s choices at every turn. It’s exhilarating as every moment you’ve made distance. You have an idea but you’re unsure where you’re going or what it will look like.
The only anxiety is that moment in between, where there is no distance, no direction– it’s ironic how the answer isn’t important, it doesn’t matter what direction, just go somewhere, anywhere.
Occasionally I find myself awake at night thinking about Richard W. Hamming’s speech ‘You are Your Research’. “If what you’re doing is not important… why are you working on it?” he asked.
This can (and should) be a haunting question; it certainly keeps me up at night.
What are the important problems? Or to put it in a more existential tone, what should one work on?
We tend to operate on a flimsy context for what is important. Is it for survival– either individual, or for our species, or for our planet? Or is it the advancement of human knowledge, such as science and art?
Most of the time we don’t concern ourselves with such questions. We work to sustain ourselves, finding pleasure and happiness where we can, and occasionally giving back to others. Life is often nothing but an affirmation of our existence.
Perhaps then the answer is much simpler, and the existential concerns are nothing but evolutionary baggage– a side-effect of our oversize primate brains– perhaps what is important is to exist for existence sake. That is, to exist devoid of a purpose, not to leave an indelible mark, but simply to be. I consider this a sort of existential freedom.
Consider again, what are the important problems? I believe it is to understand who you are and be the best of who you are. Work to affirm your existence, simply be. There is nothing more important.
For me, there is much I can do, and much I cannot. Happiness is often my goal, my pursuit, my passion for the moment. I do not dream of grand human endeavors, but of the passions of soul and comfort. I am drawn to these things, my focus is on feeling good, making others feel good, and enjoying the beauty of existence. I do not wish to compete, to prove myself, to be strong, to be courageous… I wish only to love, be loved, and experience as much beauty in life as one could experience. But that’s just me…
You are who you are– and you cannot change that. You may or may not even like it. But the important problems are there for you to work on, knowing what they are is nothing but an exercise in understanding who you are– and being the best of who you are.
There is a simplicity to existence that conscious ego will not tolerate. Your existence just is. It is not planned nor intended. You are, simply as you are. The most basic truth is so clearly in front of your face– base and predictable: human, primate, mammal, life– the truth bores as it insults ego. Delusions are so much more interesting– God, soul, love– they are real in effect of our every action, but they are as malleable as any childish whim. We shape these delusions with every want and expectation. Try it. Expect love and find it. Want God and see! The filters of perception are yours to control– we are masters to this shared delusion we often confuse with reality.
These are simply ideals, and we breathe them as necessary as air. What a curious primate.
Unfiltered reality– what does that mean? Is it even possible? We sometimes speak of it as beautiful, seeing things as they truly are– but is not that beauty another delusion, another filter? Unfiltered reality, I imagine, would be too boring and too simple to comprehend. It would be data with no metaphor, no symbol system, and none of the artful abstractions that we thrive on.
So then, curious primate, what is it that you want? Anything that you consider worth comprehending is possible; but still you persist in wondering about this most basic thing. Do what you like, and let none be the judge, you cannot help to do otherwise.
We are masters to our own delusion. Do what you want and shape every filter. Let life happen. Make art, love, and offer people a reason for their existence to matter.
It is all poetry and art, and all blissfully useless.
Do you ever wonder if that reflection looks back?
Fragments of who you are, multiple selves throughout
every facet of your life– your past, present, and
all possible futures
At some point, as perceptions collapse and reality
is seen as illusion– you are whole
The sum of your knowledge– all of you
In that moment, everything is as you have made it
And you, the whole of who you are, are responsible
Where you go from here…
That is the better question
