Demonic Time Keeping Device
No one inquired to purchase my alarm clock from craigslist. The ad read as follows:
I’m taking a year off to travel and am selling everything that I’m not taking with me.
This hideous machine maintains time in a crude light-emitting display. During the day it appears harmless enough, but in the early morning hours it will abruptly cry with a horrific series of beeps. I do not recommend being near it when this happens.
An otherwise delightful and peaceful sleep will be killed as this device bellows its vile sounds. This will continue until you ritualistically accept its demonic power and prematurely rise from your slumber. This “alarm” will persist until the demon has been appeased by feeding on your dreams, letting you sleep in a tortured sequence of 9 minute intervals… the demon euphemistically refers to the feeding as “snooze”.
With every beep your soul will slowly die. This process will continue until the demon has completely devoured your hopes and dreams, leaving you a lifeless husk– blindly waking without purpose. Once this process is complete you will feel no pain, only a vague sense of yearning for a life beyond the bounds of suffering.
Not a single reply. I ended up selling it to a nice young lady who was purchasing kitchenware and thought she could use this in her bathroom as nothing more than a clock, huh.