My Christ Year?
I was told that 2009 is my Christ year.
I’m not totally clear as to whether a "Christ Year" is the year of your 33rd birthday or the 33rd year of your life (or the year you label yourself as being 33). It doesn’t really matter; I’m an atheist; don’t tell Jesus.
Whatever you call it, it is for me a significant point of change.
Change is never pretty. It can be disjointed; erratic. We either regress to where we started, or take hard earned control of our social mores and personal ideals, shaping and defining what we ought to be doing.
Many people I meet tend to regress, never questioning the basic social ontology they find themselves trapped within. They avert the crises by buying new cars, complaining about useless things, or otherwise distract themselves from the clear question of what they ought to be doing with their life.
I’m certainly not perfect in this regard. I’ve just spent the last year distracting myself with random girls, travel to exotic places, photography, and living the douche-bag life in La Jolla. It all seemed to work fine up until life’s little crises culminated into an emotional breakdown, as if life is reminding me to pay attention and answer the fucking question we’re all too scared to even ask. Strange way to end the year.
I don’t know what this year is going to be like. Change is funny that way– we’re never really sure what it’s going to be like, and even though things typically turn out for the best, we’re scared shitless until we figure that out.
The best advice I’ve gotten: go for a run, listen to music. I have to say, that totally helped. And it subsequently reminded me that I’m ridiculously out of shape. I ran along the coast, I was wheezing, desperately trying to catch my breath. It could have been the lack of oxygen to my brain, but I momentarily forgot about everything. A moment of clarity, an epiphany.
This my Christ year.
And I honestly don’t know what that means yet. I recognize that I need to replace those bad habits of mine with some good habits. I’ll need to clear my head, this means a break from the distractions. All of them. Or do I regress?